Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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