remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Sorry about my life...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
