im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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