i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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