I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
