Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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