Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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