I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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