my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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