Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize