theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
