if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
