Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm passing your future prison.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
