just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Don't EVER smell your tampon
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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