Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize