If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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