Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
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