doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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