If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
