oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
