You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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