why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
