Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
