If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
