we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just want nice things and good sex
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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