I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize