Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
