As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
