he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
