I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
