I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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