Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry smashleyyyy hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(334): View more from Alabama

nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.

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(865): View more from Tennessee

he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.

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(315): View more from New York

They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.

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(949): View more from California

am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?

(415): View more from California

i thought you knew

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(520): View more from Arizona

I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin

(774): View more from Massachusetts

He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying

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(407): View more from Florida

Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation

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(904): View more from Florida

It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend

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