Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
