i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
