dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
