remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
