You really coming over, don't trick.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
