i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
