You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
