Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
