It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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