Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
