i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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