Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
