If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
