I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
