Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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