she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
