Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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