i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
