I need to stop coming to work sober
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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