I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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