What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
