waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
