You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
