i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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