all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
