Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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