I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
