I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
even my farts smell like vagina
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
