he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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