Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
