I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
