I wanna bring you to show and tell
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
