This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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