Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
