she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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