hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize