omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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