This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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