thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
