So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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