thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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