Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
