he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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