I think im going to throw up on grandma
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
