Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
