Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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