Kiss
Puke
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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