i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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