this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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