this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
