so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
What drink are we having for lunch?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
