mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
