Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
