i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
do nipples grow back?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
