Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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