he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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