As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
this hospital has no fireball
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
