you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
