I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
