Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
