I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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