dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
