Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I checked into jail on foursquare
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I can't turn off my feet"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I believe in your delicious
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize