Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
