alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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